The Shield and the Sword
by JackHidden
Summary: Arthur and Merlin happen to meet online... struggle connecting in the modern world.  WARNING MaleXMale and YES ITS RATED M for a reason  more suggestive than explicit... but we'll see
1. Chapter 1

This barely has anything to do with the BBCs characters of Merlin and Arthur but to cover my butt… I DON'T OWN THEM. JUST THIS AWESOME STORY.

Please, Please, Please for the love of Arthur READ AND REVIEW!

The Shield and the Sword

CHAPTER 1

"Just let me talk…" Merlin said in a dull monotone voice as he sat in front of his computer. "All I have wanted to do for months now is just talk with you Arthur. But you just…" Merlin let out a loud long sigh, and it felt good.

Arthur sat staring at Merlin through his computer screen, they had been Skyping for about twenty minutes now and Arthur really didn't feel that strongly invested in the conversation. Merlin could see that because as he watched Arthur's cam feed Merlin could see that Arthur was chatting with someone else as well as him—probably through Facebook.

"Arthur do you care for me at all?"

Arthur blankly stared at the screen with his arms crossed across his chest. After a moment or two he reached his arms out towards his keyboard and began typing his reply. Arthur was in his room but had roommates in his apartment so while he like listening to Merlin speak to him through his PC he didn't want to saying anything aloud so that his roommates might hear.

[I like you.] Was Arthur's reply.

Merlin's heart sunk. "Yes I know that you _like_ me but I mean do you actually care about me?"

[We are friends.]

Merlin looked down into his lap. They were obviously more than just friends, for God's sake they met in a gay sex roulette site. Their first encounter with one another was getting the other off… well it was more than that really. Merlin had been going through a rough time and for days found himself masturbating to porn and to other video chats with men at least three to four times a day. When he met Arthur that night it was only because he left his cam running while he showered after his last messy round. When he cam back to the screen he had the option to click the 'X' and exit the site or hit the 'Next' button. He hit the 'Next' button and there appeared Arthur. They were both clothed (at least what the other could tell from the camera angles) and after only about five minutes of conversation Arthur asked Merlin if he had a Skype. Merlin knowing that one could meet anyone on the net and not know a thing about them, set up an alternate Skype account to give out in shadier situations. Merlin typed back his username: MagicHidden33 and opened up the program on his MacBook Pro.

After they connected once again Merlin began playing a game of twenty questions with Arthur, just to give them the opportunity to talk about something and to avoid awkward silences.

Arthur was beautiful, not Adonis beautiful where every muscle is huge and bronzed and his face is chiseled. But rather beautiful in that when Merlin looked at him, into his eyes and when Arthur would grin or smile (which happened as much as Merlin could make it happen—which was A LOT!) Arthur just melted Merlin's heart.

The two of them talked back and forth for hours. Merlin lived in Saint Louis and Arthur in Los Angeles so when they met at midnight in Los Angeles it was already two in the morning in Saint Louis. Merlin didn't care how late it was he had no classes or work to go to the next day and even if he did spending as much time as he could with Arthur would be completely worth any risk to his life's responsibilities.

Through out their game of twenty questions, which actually wasn't the real game but merely a ruse to get Arthur to talk to him, they kept flirting back and forth. Merlin was always hungering for more of Arthur's smiles and Arthur seemed to enjoy driving Merlin wild for some reason or another.

By the end of their four and a half hour conversation they had readjusted their cams so that they could watch each other jack off. Their only rules were: the cam had to show both cock and face but face was more important than cock if something had to start getting cut off in the camera angle, and that they had to try to come at the same time (that was Arthur's preference, Merlin didn't care one way or another, he just wanted to make Arthur happy.)

It should be noted that during their game of twenty questions Arthur revealed that he was bi and still in the closet not certain he was ready to come out yet. He said he had to keep things on the down low. Merlin understood and agreed but secretly was rather disappointed. 'I would fall in love with a beautiful man who for some reason likes me only to find out he would never be with me openly.' Merlin sighed.

After their time together they were in no rush to hang up on their little conversation but at the same time they were both getting very tired. It was 4.45AM for Arthur and 6.45AM for Merlin. After really no conversation between each other, just looks and happy smirks to one another watching the other blush time after time they finally hung up—after nine different failed attempts to do so and finally agreeing to talk again the next night at 11PM Arthur's time.

Merlin just laid his head on his pillow and looked around his brightening sun-lit room and thought 'there is just no way I can go to sleep right now!' He was too taken with Arthur and the rush of infatuation love to even close his eyes for more than a few seconds. He decided to get dressed and head to IHOP for breakfast and then try to sleep so that he would be rested for his conversation with Arthur once again that night. 1AM (11PM Arthur's time) could not come fast enough!

PLEASE REVIEW!

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG!


	2. Chapter 2

This barely has anything to do with the BBCs characters of Merlin and Arthur but to cover my butt… I DON'T OWN THEM. JUST THIS AWESOME STORY.

Please, Please, Please for the love of Arthur READ AND REVIEW!

The Shield and the Sword

CHAPTER 2

Merlin ate his breakfast slowly keeping his coffee cup drained and the waitress busy refilling his water glass as he spent over an hour reading the most recent updates to the fanfiction stories that he had been following. They were mostly on the relationship between Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson from the TV show _Glee_. He just loved how romantic and passionate the Blaine character always was. That was Merlin's dream man, someone who took great pleasure in just doing whatever he could to make his lover feel special and, well, …loved. What an amazing man—Blaine. Merlin wondered if Arthur would let Merlin be that way with him? Probably not. Since Arthur was still in the closet and not interested in changing that anytime soon Merlin would probably be denied that opportunity to just pour himself out onto Arthur.

Merlin was saddened by that thought. How could Merlin meet someone that literally turns him into an idiot at the sheer thought of Arthur and then discover that he could never be free to truly love him—to be himself in front of Arthur. Merlin decided that this was not something to keep thinking on, he still didn't know for certain that this, this… whatever it is—relationship would become if anything at all. The one thing Merlin did not want to do was to ruin it and let it simply become a thing about sex. Merlin discovered that he felt strongly invested in Arthur. He had learned so much about Arthur during their little game of twenty questions. Arthur had turned the cam over to Arthur's bed to show Merlin his beautiful husky who was sleeping and dream running for much of the time that they talked—Arthur often turning his head to look over at his beloved dog. Arthur was striving to become a professional long board skater and hope to one day be sponsored by the shop that he worked for. He loved his job and Merlin could tell. Arthur also had long hair that came below his ears… Merlin didn't normally like that look but when he saw it on Arthur he was converted. Merlin dreamed of holding Arthur close to him and burying his face into those wonderful locks of hair and breathing deep Arthur's smell…

'Okay, I'm officially a creep.' Merlin thought. 'I barely know the man and I am already obsessing about him. I need to give him his space I can't crowd him. I don't want to startle him away and I don't want him to feel like I am taking from him what he may not want to give me. Don't be too pushy Merlin, calm down and try and take this one step at a time.'

Merlin paid his bill and tipped the waitress turning his iphone on to The All American Reject's _I Wanna (…I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you, you wanna touch me too…)_ Merlin got into his Explorer and made his trip back to the apartment to get his much needed sleep—singing that song the whole way back.

Merlin had it bad.

Within about three minutes of hitting his head to the pillow Merlin was out. Dead to the world. He slept for about six hours before getting up again feeling very much rested even though he slept for about three hours less then he normally did. He looked over at the clock next to his bed and saw that it was only 3.30PM. He hated how far that was from 1AM when he got to see Arthur again. Ten hours! Almost ten hours… Merlin wasn't sure what he could do for that much time to distract him from missing Arthur. 'Oh, God. I am missing him!' Merlin felt pathetic again. How could he have allowed his life to be changed so much by one man in such a short time? This doesn't seem healthy at all. 'Merlin you are obsessing. Your life was not in a very happy place before you met Arthur and he seemed like the greatest thing and, well you jumped in with both feet like a fool. You need to snap out of this! And do it FAST!' Merlin knew all this, but somehow that memory of the haunting smile of Arthur's was more than his will power could dominate. Merlin was gone.

He busied himself with LONG movies until finally it was 9.00PM. Merlin felt tired again and thought that he might need more sleep so he laid down and was out in moments. At 12.30AM the alarm in his iphone went off waking him. He looked at the display and the memo said "Arthur". Merlin smiled. Yet at the same time he thought this is obsessive. 'You are setting alarms to wake you up in the middle of the night for what is almost a complete stranger. What the hell is wrong with you Merlin?'

Merlin got up and washed his face and sat himself in front of his MacBook and open Skype so that he would know the moment Arthur came on again. 'I think I should leave Skype open all the time. I wouldn't want to miss the chance to talk to him any other time.' That voice echoed in his head, 'creep. You are a stalker waiting to happen.'

Merlin sat browsing Facebook and Twitter and then Google News waiting for Arthur to come online. 1AM came finally! Merlin tried his best to not get too overly excited. 'No need to frighten Arthur off.' Merlin looked at the Skype window. Arthur hadn't come back on yet. 'Patience, Merlin, patience.'

1.30AM 'Shit! Did I screw up? Was I supposed to meet him at 11PM my time and not his?' Merlin's heart sank. Feeling the tension to not creep out and go full on stalker on Arthur, Merlin thought 'the best I can do now is to send him a quick message in the chat window for him to read whenever he comes back online again.' [Did I mess up? I think I missed our date time of 11PM. Get back to me so we can reconnect!] Merlin clicked the "send" button and felt disillusioned.

'Okay Merlin if you weren't sure before you should know now, you are a messed up creep.' He thought. Merlin sighed and went to sleep again.

PLEASE REVIEW!

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG!


	3. Chapter 3

This barely has anything to do with the BBCs characters of Merlin and Arthur but to cover my butt… I DON'T OWN THEM. JUST THIS AWESOME STORY.

Please, Please, Please for the love of Arthur READ AND REVIEW!

The Shield and the Sword

CHAPTER 3

A few day passed since Merlin had sent that desperate one liner message to an offline Arthur's Skype account. Merlin had checked his logged on Skype app at least twelve times a day hoping against hope that he had somehow missed the faded notification box that would appear in the upper right hand corner of his screen telling him that "DragonMan55" had logged on again… but alas, Arthur had not come back online.

Merlin began thinking that his chances were getting slimmer and slimmer with each passing moment. He grew less satisfied with that one line of text that was waiting in the queue for Arthur to log back on to be delivered. 'I need to communicate more fully to Arthur that I value him more than just some random… jack off buddy!' Merlin began crafting a text about three sentences long telling Arthur that 'he had gotten inside Merlin's head' that it was 'hard to think straight' and that he 'hoped that they might connect again, soon.' Merlin clicked the "Send" button and waited… as if Arthur would magically appear online at this opportune moment to receive Merlin's desperate plea.

After a few moments Merlin minimized Skype and went back to trying to distract himself with Facebook, Twitter and a few more fanfiction stories (the longer the better). Merlin being unable to fully let go of the angst of his situation thought 'I need to get out of here… but I really don't want to leave my MacBook behind in case Arthur comes back on…' Merlin looked at the clock and saw that it was 7.48PM 'that means it's only 5.48PM in Los Angeles and Arthur still has about an hour's drive to get back home and then he more than likely won't log on to his computer for a few more hours after that… OMG Merlin you are some kinda creepy freak stalker! You have a memorized schedule of Arthur's day!' Merlin tried to ignore that voice in his head and open the app store in his iPhone and searched for "Skype". He downloaded the app, opened it up, logged in and then putting his earbuds into his ears he put the phone in his pocket and felt like he could leave his MacBook without risking a missed opportunity.

'I am one messed up man. What has Arthur done to me? …what have I done to myself? This isn't healthy Merlin. You have to stop this. …but if there is even a chance that I might have something with Arthur I have to do what I can to not miss the opportunity!' Merlin was a different man.

Merlin had noticed that aside from the negative effects of his run in with Arthur online he also has had some positive effects. Merlin was shocked when he realized that it had been about three days since he had masturbated or searched for porn online. He had had a drink of alcohol since then (he had been going through about half a bottle of red table wine a night for months now.)

While these things were good Merlin was also now staying up all night long half watching Skype and the half watching TV shows through Netflix and through his Apple TV. He was watching Dexter episode after episode all through the night. He only felt it was safe to go to sleep when he knew Arthur would be at work at the shop thereby being far from his computer at home. Merlin's routine had become one of staying up all night watching TV, going to IHOP at about 5AM while he read more fanfiction and then he would return home to watch music videos on VH1, MTV and a station called "CoolTV" which he always thought was ironic 'if you have to tell people you are _cool_ in your name then it is safe to assume that you are anything but _cool_' ..Merlin then thought, 'this coming from the creepy stalker… you are some sort of expert on all things cool when you have completely shaped your life around a fictitious relationship with a man you will more than likely never meet again.'

After about three weeks of this behavior it happened.

[DragonMan33 has logged on.]

Merlin calmly as he could opened a chat window with a bit of hesitation not wanting to show Arthur how desperate he was…

[DragonMan33 has logged off.]

Merlin's heart sunk again.

Feeling even more disillusioned at his situation he reassessed his message that was still siting in the queue waiting to be delivered to Arthur and Merlin decided to delete it.

…'maybe this is just not going to happen.'

PLEASE REVIEW!

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG!


	4. Chapter 4

This barely has anything to do with the BBCs characters of Merlin and Arthur but to cover my butt… I DON'T OWN THEM. JUST THIS AWESOME STORY.

Please, Please, Please for the love of Arthur READ AND REVIEW!

The Shield and the Sword

CHAPTER 4

Merlin sat staring into the Google search bar. 'I really shouldn't do this. This is just one more mark of my downwards spiral.' He said as he typed Arthur's name and his username into the box. Merlin hesitated a moment before he hit the "Enter" key on his keypad.

Google's first result: [DragonMan (Arthur) on MySpace]

Merlin stared at it for a moment before he clicked the link. Merlin at first felt a sense of hope that he hadn't for weeks. A real tangible connection to Arthur that he had been missing all along—outside of Arthur's Skype account but that wasn't panning out.

Merlin first clicked on the profile picture. It was of younger Arthur by what looked to be maybe two possibly three years. Merlin's heart swam in his chest and all his joints were as jello. 'So beautiful…' Merlin thought. That tender warming smile spread softly across Arthur's face. How Merlin had missed that sweet face.

After a few moments of looking at Arthur's pics Merlin began investigating the MySpace page for contact info or anything that might help him. It wasn't as simple to do since the last time Merlin had been on MySpace was about five years prior. 'Where'd they put everything?'

As Merlin was hunting he noticed an annoying detail—the last time a friend of Arthur's had posted on his wall was dated May of 2008. Merlin's hurt sunk once again.

'At least I am getting closer.'

Merlin decieded to google to see if he couldn't find Arthur's Twitter or Facebook page but after about thirty minutes of hunting and pecking at all of the Arthur's from Los Angeles in the world Merlin finally gave up. He went back to Arthur's MySpace page and copied Arthur's profile pic to his MacBook's hard drive. 'It's all I have left. All that's left of what I had hoped would be so much more…' Merlin sighed.

[DragonMan33 has signed on.]

Merlin couldn't believe his eyes. Was it true did Arthur just sign back into Skype?

Before Arthur had the chance to log off again Merlin quickly type a chat message to Arthur:

{HELLO!}

In less than five seconds Arthur responded:

[Hey!]

Merlin couldn't help but smile a huge smile.

{I think I missed our last chat time. Sorry about that.}

No response from Arthur.

{You free to chat?}

[Sure.]

{if its all the same to you. I'd just like to talk with you, and keep our clothes on this time.}

[That's okay with me.]

{Awesome. I just feel like I want to just talk with you and get to know more about you is all.}

[Sure man.]

{Can we cam?}

[Yeah one minute.]

The two of them adjusted their settings and within a minute's time Arthur and Merlin were looking into one another's faces once again. This was the greatest moment in Merlin's year.

{There's that smile that I love so much.} Merlin wrote.

Arthur grinned real big [tease. You're not too bad yourself.]

Merlin tried not to show it but that comment in itself was enough to knock the life right out of Merlin. 'I hope to God he is not just flirting but that he actually means that on some level.'

{I hope you know what the difference is between teasing and frustrating someone is… if you only tease and never give out what you have been teasing with then that only leads to frustration. Please Arthur, don't frustrate me. I don't think I could take it.}

Arthur smiled again. Merlin barely caught his breath from the last time he did that. Merlin had to remind himself of how he just had to get used to being out of breath the whole time he spoke with Arthur the last time.

[You need to know that I seriously LOVE that beautiful smile of yours. Get's me every time.]

Anther smile from Arthur. Merlin began feeling beaten to a pulp by each of these love pangs from Arthur just being Arthur. 'There is no way I could ever stand to be in a room with him and not pounce on him in the first five seconds of one of those smiles. What an absolutely incredible man.'

[I like your cheeks.]

That comment surprised Merlin a little. He remembered Arthur saying something like that when they had been playing twenty questions almost a month ago but he had dismissed it as Arthur just trying to be nice to the older Merlin.

{Really? Thanks but I really don't see it in me. You like my cheeks?}

[Yes. They are cute.]

One can only imagine the love throws that that comment put Merlin's heart through.

{You can't say stuff like that. It's too much for me. Change the subject. How's your dog?}

Arthur smiled upon reading Merlin's response, which sent Merlin over the edge once again. 'This boy is killing me and we have only been chatting for…' Merlin looks at the clock in the corner of the screen. 'eight minutes! Holy Shit!'

Arthur looked over at his dog again. [She's good. Sleeping again.]

{Can I see her?}

[Sure.] Arthur picked up his webcam off the top of his PC and aimed it over towards his bed. A beautiful yellowish-white husky laid in the soft blankets of Arthur's bed—sleeping soundly.

Arthur then reset his cam to face him once again.

[Can I hear your voice?]

Merlin loved that Arthur was taking interest in details of Merlin like this. {Sure. One minute.}

Merlin took the ear buds from his iphone and plugged them into the side of his MacBook. 'crap. What to say…' "Can you hear me?" 'Oh, real original Merlin, idiot.'

Arthur smiled big again, [Yes. I like your voice. It doesn't sound gay. I like normal sounding men's voices.]

Merlin totally understood that. "Yeah, I can understand that. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they should start sounding like they arewoment or something. It just isn't very natural sounding… it makes them sound… fake? Does that make sense?"

[Yup.]

"Can I hear your voice?"

[Sure.] Arthur began rearranging things on his desk and then grabbed a small cord and Merlin watched as Arthur looked to plug it into what Merlin had guessed was Arthur's PC speakers.

"Can you hear me?" Arthur asked.

Merlin at first thought that he detected a lisp and thought 'oh boy you maybe bi and in the closet but that voice is screaming "cocksucker"' but then after giving it some more thought he realized that the microphone was just a little off.

"Yes I can hear you and I like the way you sound too." And that was the truth. Merlin was so invested in Arthur that Arthur could have sounded like Gilbert Godfry and still Merlin would swoon. …okay maybe not Gilbert Godfry, no one likes that man's voice. "aren't you worried your roommates might hear?"

"Nah, gone for the night. Just me here."

"Great. So I have you all to myself!" Merlin said with a big grin on his face hoping to get Arthur to smile again. 'I am going to give myself a heart attack if I keep making him smile at me. Oh, I love this guy! Whoa! Merlin slow down. Careful with the "L" word. What would Arthur think if you accidently dropped that on him at this point?' But Merlin couldn't help it. With out any real effort at all Arthur was so perfect to Merlin he couldn't help but at least constantly use the "L" word to accurately describe to himself what Arthur meant to him.

Arthur did smile again in response to Merlin's comment. "Yup. I'm all yours."

"OMG please don't do that to me…" Merlin looked at Arthur's big smile and all he could do was look down into his lap and slowly shake his head from side to side. 'it's too much, just too much. But I just have to have more.' Merlin looked up again into those perfect eyes and the beautiful smile and once again had to look away and shake his head. 'sigh. If I could only have this man for the rest of my life… oh I don't think it would be long though before his looks alone would take my life and finish me off. How is he not a celebrity?'

PLEASE REVIEW!

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG!


	5. Chapter 5

This barely has anything to do with the BBCs characters of Merlin and Arthur but to cover my butt… I DON'T OWN THEM. JUST THIS AWESOME STORY.

Please, Please, Please for the love of Arthur READ AND REVIEW!

The Shield and the Sword

CHAPTER 5

Both Merlin and Arthur continued to talk back and forth together for a few more hours seemingly enjoying each and every moment of it. Even the silences were bliss. Merlin didn't mind it when Arthur didn't talk to him while he was able to see him. This was worlds different from the missing Arthur, the Arthur that he couldn't get a hold of and feared not being able to see again. This silence was just fine.

"Merlin. I said before that I am not… out. So, I really need you to keep this on the down low. And if I should ever become a well known boarder I really hope that you won't use this against me and let my secret out."

Merlin of course didn't want to do anything that might hurt Arthur or damage his reputation. "Arthur, would it make it easier for you if you knew my secret?"

"Why are you a celebrity? Would I know what your from?"

"Well, no, I'm not a celebrity but I have to live in secret. Arthur, I'm a seminarian."

"A what?"

"A seminarian. It is the name of a student studying to be a pastor in a church. I can't let my secret that I am gay out until after I have at least graduated."

Arthur's face dropped as he heard Merlin's confession. He looked surprised. He sat with a contemplative look upon his face.

Merlin thought he would fill the silence with a bit more information. "I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't pretend not to be gay and keep trying to live up to everyone else's expectations for me when those expectations didn't leave enough room in them for me to just be me. I am leaving the church after I graduate. I accumulated over $60,000 in student loans here and I don't want to leave with out at least the master's degree I have been working on."

Merlin looked at Arthur. He seemed unfazed by Merlin's confession and explanation.

"So I hope you get what I mean by this. I am trusting you to keep my secret and I hope that make it easier for you to trust that I will keep yours."

Their conversation finally ended after a bit more chatting back and forth about meaningless stuff that was incredibly important to Merlin. Everything that Merlin and Arthur did was incredibly important to Merlin. And true to Merlin's request this conversation did not end with anything sexual—although there had been the fair share of flirting and blushing through out the chat.

"Can we do this again soon?" Merlin asked.

"Sure. How about tomorrow at 11PM?"

"My time or your's?"

"Mine." Arthur said.

"Okay so at 1AM my time." Merlin clarified just to be sure.

"Yes."

"And you won't forget? Right Arthur?"

" I won't forget."

"Okay then." Merlin paused and just stared into the computer screen as did Arthur. Merlin just hated the thought of not being able to see that beautiful person in a few moments.

It was probably another three minutes later by the time they finally did hang up.

Sigh. 'Arthur you are so in my head, I just can't think straight!'

During the daytime and evening hours before his next '_date'_ with Arthur Merlin's iPhone was set on one-track repeat of All American Rejects _Dirty Little Secret._ Merlin was going to begin over using that repeat feature of his phone during the next few weeks but he didn't know that or what was headed his way.

PLEASE REVIEW!

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG!


	6. Chapter 6

This barely has anything to do with the BBCs characters of Merlin and Arthur but to cover my butt… I DON'T OWN THEM. JUST THIS AWESOME STORY.

Please, Please, Please for the love of Arthur READ AND REVIEW!

The Shield and the Sword

CHAPTER 6

_I'll keep you my dirty little secret. _

_Don't tell anyone or you`ll be just another regret,_

_(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)_

_My dirty little secret,_

_Who has to know?_

Merlin was walking on air all day. For some reason he knew that Arthur would keep his date with Merlin tonight. 'Probably because I withheld any sexy stuff from him last night so he horny enough to remember.' Merlin thought with a smirk.

"Ah, yes I'd like a Tangerine-ginger tea please, oh and an everything bagle. And could I also have a wifi pass please."

Merlin was making it a hbit of spending at least an hour in the local coffee café everyday. It was his therapy. Just like Arthur had become. And to be honest Merlin felt wrong for letting himself have Arthur be therapy. It just wasn't fair to either of them. Arthur didn't sign up for that and Merlin should have thought better of himself than to just grasp anyone who seemed to remotely care for him in his moment of need. 'Man, when did I lose control and become such a needy idiot?' Merlin couldn't help but wonder.

Merlin took his everything bagel out of the toaster—which took an e-t-e-r-n-i-t-y to finish one toast cycle. And he found himself a comfortable place at the café bar that looked out one of the front picture windows to the street and park outside. Merlin ate his bagel and the sipped his coffee from his refillable discount coffee mug with the café's logo plastered on the side. He fired up safari in his iPhone and began reading all the juicy fanfiction updates that had been loaded in the night. 'gosh don't these people have lives? It seems I wake up to about twenty new alerts each morning and all of them being sent in the wee hours of the night.' Merlin thought about that for a moment and then realizes the hypocrisy in his thinking. 'I am a pretty big idiot. I'm the type to sit up and read these things for hours on end and get so lost in them that I forget that these aren't real people and I wasted another day with out seeing and talking to anyone—I need a life, bad.'

Just then he felt the tender touch of five slightly elderly fingers touch the top of his shoulder. It startled Merlin. He quickly hid the content of his iPhone's screen from whoever it was and then pulled his earbuds out of his ears. All American Rejects blasted into the open air.

"Merlin! How are you doing these days? Any better?"

It was Merlin's bioethics prof from the seminary that was just on the other side of the park outside. Merlin had shared a lunch with the man at the end of last semesters classes when the prof had noticed how impatient Merlin had become in class debates and discussions. During that lunch Merlin confided in the prof telling him that he was not planning on becoming a pastor after he graduated. And that he was very angry with family, friends and with God to honestly go into that field of work and be reverant of what the office meant.

"Professor Gaius! Hey, yeah, well, I am still struggling… can't stand to be on campus as much these days. That's why I'm sitting here. Even though I still have to look at the buildings at least now I have a bit more breathing room."

"I'm sorry that your still struggling Merlin. This really can't be that easy a thing to work through. Have you figured out anything as far as what you plan on doing after graduation then?"

Merlin, before he met Arthur, was driving back to the seminary from Christmas break and while listening to his music (of course) finally felt a sense of release and permission to not proceed with being a pastor when the Sick Puppies song _Maybe_ come on the iPhone. Along with a few other tracks Merlin got the over powering sense of freedom that he hadn't felt in years, or ever maybe. He had been flirting with the idea of LA. He had never been there and it was the most creative and freeing place he could think of in America—and that was exactly for which he was looking.

"Well, Gaius I plan on just getting away from St. Louis and from my family and friends back home so that I can just be free to be me and to think of what it is I really want to do with my life. I am planning on moving to LA."

"Well that certainly should be nice."

Merlin was going to continue on talking but noticed that Gaius was giving him the nonverbal signals of a man who had to be somewhere sooner than later and that this conversation needed to be over quickly.

"I hope that you get some peace out of all this Merlin. I really do."

"Thanks Gaius."

And with that Gaius left Merlin and headed back to the seminary, probably to go teach a class.

Merlin replaced his earbuds and pushed play and returned once again to his smutty story about Blaine and Kurt… 'shut up Kurt, I'm not reading this story to hear your bitching. Blaine go ahead and keep being your super sexy self.' Merlin thought to himself.

PLEASE REVIEW!

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG!


	7. Chapter 7

This barely has anything to do with the BBCs characters of Merlin and Arthur but to cover my butt… I DON'T OWN THEM. JUST THIS AWESOME STORY.

Please, Please, Please for the love of Arthur READ AND REVIEW!

**HEY ALL. If you haven't already noticed I am not a big "Author's Notes" kinda guy, well at least I don't think I am, but I feel like I really need some feedback on how this story is going. HONEST, CONSTRUCTIVE, CRITICISM (criticism doesn't mean negative necessarily so both positive and negative are helpful.)**

**Tell me what you like, what you don't like. Is there a point in the story that you seem to begin losing interest? Are their themes or 'energies' to the story that you like or dislike. **

**Honestly, I just would like to know if this is turning into a successful story or if I should wrap it up quickly and move on.**

**The rest of the story has been mapped out for days and I have a few more decent plot twists and intrigues to come but as I am watching the number of repeat readership falling as the chapters increase in numbers I am suspecting that this story is becoming less and less of an enjoyable experience to many. What started off as something good looks to be turning into something a bit mediocre? Agree? Disagree? Let me know. THX. (JackHidden)**

The Shield and the Sword

CHAPTER 7

Merlin was itching bad to hear from Arthur. 'It's going to happen this time I can feel it.' Merlin thought to himself. With all the stress at this time in his life between his struggles with his faith, his strained relationship with his family and friends all over Merlin's attempt to finally be honest about who he is and what his life is meant to be… he just needed this time with Arthur more than anyone could know. One look at Arthur and Merlin was in a far better place. The cares of this world falls away and he is soft malleable clay to be shaped in anyway that Arthur would like.

Aside from Arthur the only other ways that Merlin had found to cope was either as it had been before Arthur, which was through large amounts of red wine, beer or mixed drinks and pornography. However, since meeting Arthur, Merlin had found additional ways of managing the stresses on his life—escape. Merlin began noticing that he was take more and more long mindless drives around town. This did two things, it took him through the gay districts where he would only look from his car at the men walking in and out of the bars and restaurants, and the second thing was it gave him ample opportunity to channel much of the pent up energies he had into singing with his iPhone to whatever his favorite song was that day.

Also for months now Merlin had been meeting weekly with the counselor on the seminary campus. It was really good. The counselor was the first person in Merlin's life that he finally the clarity and direction that he so desperately wanted. Merlin was able to find his own voice and begin seeing the other voices in his life that had been steering him all over but never where he wanted to go.

Maybe that was one of the reasons why when Merlin finally did meet Arthur, Merlin was so ready to let the walls down for him. But at the same time Merlin thought that all this was just a bit too much. His behavior and desire for Arthur was beyond normal and acceptable by most social standards. 'Merlin you are unstable. You are in a desperate time in your life and you are clinging to the first thing that gives you hope. You need to get this under control and stop this whole thing. Let Arthur go and be smart about this.' Merlin wasn't interested in voices telling him what to do anymore. Not the voice of the seminary, not the voices of his parents, family and friends. No Merlin wanted to hear his own voice for once. 'What is it that I want?'

Merlin understood that some of the warnings that his contious was telling him might very well be true but regardless Merlin still felt that 'this isn't and either/or situation. It's not like this is either an unhealthy situation and an unhealthy one. It is more likely a mix of both. And there is something very good about Arthur. I can't just throw that away. I want Arthur and I want him to learn more about me so hopefully he would begin to maybe love me too.'

As the evening hour approached Merlin began getting antsy. He needed to get out for a short bit just to clear out some of the energy and pass some of time before Arthur would come on. Merlin fired up the Skype app on his iPhone, stuck his earbuds into his ears and drove off to McDonalds to just go somewhere.

While he was sitting in the drive-thru waiting for his order his music stopped playing and a notification window opened on the screen of his iPhone. "Hey. Just got back from work." Merlin happily responded. "Sorry no cam right now. This is through my iPhone. I'm in the car driving back home." "Okay. I gotta eat something. I'll be back on in a couple hours."

Merlin read the message in a bittersweet manor. He was happy to see Arthur remembered him this time and yes he was a little disappointed that he would have to wait a couple more hours. But Merlin felt okay about it. He had just seen Arthur the night before and so he had worked a lot of that insanity that absence from Arthur creates. 'I can wait a couple of hours… I suppose.' He snickered to himself.

Instead of driving straight back to the apartment Merlin steered in the opposite direction to begin his routine of driving and singing away the strains of life.

About ninety minutes later, Merlin was back in his room checking Facebook, Twitter, etc. Overall Merlin felt good. He was seeing Arthur for the second day in a row and it was the best thing anyone could do in this world.

After a minute Merlin's iPhone screen lit up once again with a notification window from Skype. [What's this long message all about?]

Merlin immediately felt a wave of embarrassment rush through his body. 'That long desperate message that I had waiting in the queue… I deleted it from my MacBook's Skype app but I forgot to check to see if it was still waiting online!" Sure enough when Merlin looked at the message feed there was that long desperate message to Arthur… 'man does this thing read pretty pathetically. I am gonna freak Arthur out and that will be the end of it.' Merlin wanted this relationship to work out so badly that he was actually smothering it at every turn. {Yeah, about that message. Just ignore that. I'll talk to you about that later.}

[Okay. Whatever man.]

Merlin felt like it was a bullet dodged but only just barely and for only a short while.

The time passed relatively quickly. Merlin of course thought each aching minute was like waiting in purgatory. Part of Merlin, really when he was honest with himself, just wanted to somehow work through this awkward phase with Arthur, somehow get into an intimate relationship with him both mentally, physically and emotionally with Arthur. He had already decided that Arthur was beyond his idea of what a perfect match could be for him, it was just the hard part of wooing Mr. Arthur that stood in the way. And to Merlin's great fear, desperate, creepy, stalker guy was more than likely not gonna achieve that goal. But Merlin wasn't himself during this whole process. Arthur was like a drug that Merlin's heart and body just couldn't handle without going crazy.

PLEASE REVIEW!

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG!


	8. Chapter 8

This barely has anything to do with the BBCs characters of Merlin and Arthur but to cover my butt… I DON'T OWN THEM. JUST THIS AWESOME STORY.

Please, Please, Please for the love of Arthur READ AND REVIEW!

The Shield and the Sword

CHAPTER 8

Merlin was sitting on his bed waiting semi-anxiously for Arthur to log on to Skype. And as promised…

[DragonMan33 has logged in.]

Merlin smiled real big as he began chatting with his lovely Arthur once again.

The game of Arthur smiling and Merlin's blushing began once again and Arthur added to it little flirtatious double entendres to their conversations making Merlin blush even more. It seemed that Arthur was rather enjoying making Merlin squirm, like tickling your lover only Arthur was states away and had to get creative. Merlin absolutely loved it but tried not tell Arthur that. To Merlin Arthur had way too much power in this relationship. It was Arthur who essentially determined when they could chat, it was Arthur who played more a passive role in the conversations leaving Merlin to stimulate the direction, it was Arthur who drove Merlin absolutely, uncontrollably wild with simply the the movement of ahandful of Arthur's facial muscles. Merlin just felt at that he was constantly at the mercy of Arthur's whims. Merlin loved that dominating side to their relationship but at the same time the hunger for more of a healthy balance was growing far too large. Merlin felt teased by Arthur and it was turning into extreme frustration.

'I so want him' Merlin thought. 'Actually, want is too weak a word… I NEED him. I need to touch him, to love him, to please him, to be in him… for him to be in me… I need to spend hours just holding him closely.'

"I want to spoon you so bad!" blurted Merlin.

Merlin felt that flush of embarrassment cover his face again.

[Yeah?]

"Yes. And I wanna be the big spoon!" Merlin quickly added. It was in a way that need to take back some control that was speaking now. He wanted Arthur to get a little used to the idea that Merlin had an accretive side to him. The only problem was Arthur was probably more than aware of Merlin's assertiveness if Arthur was paying attention to how desperate Merlin had been behaving through out much of their time together these past few months.

Arthur's only reply to Merlin's announcement of being "big spoon" was a slight disappointment that Merlin could see in that beautiful face of Arthur's. Merlin could feel himself weakening and was considering succeeding some of the ground that he just claimed for himself by telling Arthur 'never mind, you can be big spoon always… if that means I at least get to be in your arms.' But Merlin reached down deep into his determined self and let the statement stand. Merlin was gonna be big spoon of that hot body and Arthur was gonna like it… he just probably didn't know it yet.

Merlin thought back of his past stalker behavior and how the picture that he took from Arthur's old MySpace page showed that Arthur had a few tattoos. This actually excited Merlin. Tattoos to him meant that these were an outward expression of Arthur that Merlin could get to see up close. Arthur kept so much to himself that Merlin so desperately wanted to know more about this person he cared so much for. What is it that made Arthur tick? What were the things that were close to Arthur's heart that Merlin could maybe begin to understand.

"Hey Arthur, I am pretty sure I saw a little bit of a tattoo there. Can I see?"

[Yeah. Sure!] Arthur sat up right and began pulling up his sleeves. [I keep them covered most of the time. Don't want the sun to bleach them out.]

"What? Arthur way? Those are beautiful and you should be proud to show them all the time! I love it when people express themselves so that others can see. Please don't hide this from people."

Arthur smiled at Merlin's concern and encouragement. [You obviously have strong opinions about this.] Arthur smiled bigger yet.

Merlin barely understood what the words that Arthur wrote said as Merlin was still in major shock at the two back to back big smiles from Arthur. It was system overload on a major scale.

Merlin regained some composure and once he was able to read Arthur's response he did his best to not look at Arthur for fear of another debilitating smile that might come.

"I just really like your tattoos and that you put yourself out there in this way. It just is a huge thing to me."

Arthur smiled still and bigger yet. [Thank you. Some people just really don't like to look at tattoos. They treat you differently.]

"Screw them!" Merlin called back. "That's there problem Arthur. You are an amazing, amazing person. And if they simplify you down to something so stupid as a tattoo that they don't like…. Then they are assholes. You don't let them bother you like that. You wear your tattoos so that everyone can see them as much as you want them to."

Arthur sat listening with a small smirk on his face. 'Oh lord in heaven I love this man.' Merlin thought. 'I can't stand how sweet and cute he is.'

[They fade over time and then its expensive to get them redone.]

"Arthur I would pay to have them redone for you. If it meant that you would be more proud of who you are and not let others control how you live your life as much." Merlin also was half thinking about Arthur's fear of being rejected by his friends and the boarding industry in SoCal that he sovery much wanted to build his life around. 'If only more people would stop hiding who they are and would take back control of what is socially acceptable… then people like Arthur could be bi or gay out in the open and still be accepted by the world.' Merlin wrapped a whole lot of meaning into Arthur's covering his tattoos. 'Gosh I love this man.'

"Arthur I just want to hold you. I know you aren't out but if we were together, would you let me hold you?"

Arthur true to form still sat staring those beautiful eyes into the camera and sat with his smirk on his face. [Not in public. But I am a snuggler.]

*POP!* That was the sound of Merlin's heart literally blowing up. That little permissive confession of Arthur's killed Merlin.

"OMG you really have no idea what you saying that did to me. Arthur I don't think I could let you go… ever."

[I would need to go to the bathroom eventually.]

"You can hold it." Merlin said smirkingly.

Arthur smiled big.

Merlin died. Again.

Merlin sat frozen in complete shock of Arthur.

[I like your cheeks.]

"I want you!"

Arthur smiled yet again.

[Would you let me top?]

"Arthur I would let you turn me inside out if you wanted. God Arthur. I want to make you feel good."

Arthur seemed to like that. Smiling for the trillionth time essentially pulverizing the physical remains of Merlin.

"First though. I'd want to shower with you."

Arthur's eyes lit up a bit. [Yeah? I'd like that a lot.]

Merlin was so frustrated and stimulated he was beside himself. He couldn't think of how to articulate this sensation. It was as if he was 100% frustrated, 100% turned on, 100% in love, 100% insane, 100% angry, and 100% ecstatically happy. The sensation required that the 80% of Merlin's brain that lay in disuse was all stimulated all at once. Merlin's mental synaptic energy would have probably been strong enough to levitate things about the room if he thought to try it.

"Arthur I am so frustrated right now. I want you so bad… I just. I don't know what to do."

Arthur sat with his smirk on his face and his arms crossed over his chest for a while. Then sat up and reached for the keyboard to type his response. "lose the shirt."

Arthur and Merlin spent the next thirty minutes stimulating one another as best they could being one thousand five hundred miles away. To treat Merlin Arthur turned his microphone on so that Merlin could hear Arthur's breathing and moans. And while Merlin loved helping Arthur orgasm Merlin still was so exceedingly frustrated that he couldn't be doing more for Arthur… in person.

'I love you so much Arthur. I wish it wasn't so creepy to say to you out loud. I love you Arthur more than seems sane or smart to. Anything that I have that you could possibly want, Arthur it's yours. Just take it. Just whatever you do. Please don't ever leave me.' Merlin tried to squelch some of the frustration by letting his mind say the words inside of his head. He hoped that if he could give voice to those words at least in the smallest way that then maybe he wouldn't be as frustrated.

Merlin watched Arthur explode out his orgasm all over his chest and stomach. Merlin's sprayed high and far coating his torso, chest, shoulder and the pillow behind him. When Merlin looked at the space over his shoulder Merlin noticed his cheek was all wet. Merlin grabbed his tissue paper that he had set aside for this type of clean up and realized that this was not going to be enough. Merlin had ejaculated about eight to twelve times his normal amount. This just confirmed to him all the more—Arthur is the man for me. Look what he does to me.

Arthur seemed to be having a clean up issue himself. The glistening body of Merlin's virtual lover was trying to control the flood waters that were running all around the edges of Arthur's stomach and sides.

[brb] Arthur wrote as he got up from his chair and headed to the bathroom to take more drastic cleanup measures.

Merlin smiled to himself. 'Normally when guys jack off online after they have finished they just shut off their camera. But Arthur… he plans of coming back. I love you Arthur. Thank you for making me feel special.'

Arthur soon returned still in just his boxers and sat back down in front of his PC. [I'm back.]

Merlin smiled to himself. 'of course your back. I watched you. Its called a camera you dork.'

"I see that."

While it seemed that their conversation was coming to a close. Neither of them seemed too rushed to end it. They did their smile and blushing game for a bit longer until about fifteen more minutes passed.

"When will I see you again?" Merlin asked hoping the answer would be VERY soon.

[Thursday? I am free after 11PM.]

"Awesome. And while I really, really don't want to… I guess I have to let you go so that you can get some decent sleep. I don't want you falling asleep on the road tomorrow on your way to work!"

[Nah. I'll be fine.]

The two of them played their smiling and blushing game for a few more minutes again until finally they said their goodbyes.

Merlin was really beginning to hate that sound that Skype makes when a conversation ends.

But one benefit this time around was that at some point in their conversation Arthur offered to send Merlin a hat from the boarding shop that he worked at. And so doing he asked that Merlin send Arthur his mailing address by message through FACEBOOK! Merlin felt valued finally a bit in this relationship. Arthur instigated a level of intimacy and Merlin was happy. He supposes he could have manipulated the information out of Arthur but Merlin didn't want that. He want to protect Arthur and any form of manipulating would have hurt Merlin probably more than it would have affected Arthur.

'I miss you already Arthur. Thursday can not come fast enough.'

PLEASE REVIEW!

IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG!


	9. Chapter 9

_For those of you following "The Shield and the Sword" I felt the need to kill this sucker off for the time being. I am REALLY not in the mood for writing more of this overly angsty needy Merlin right now and while there is a whole lot more to the story that I would love to write then publish so as to resolve it all I just can't bring myself to actually do it. So to kinda resolve it for the time being I have written a quick alternate ending, which honors where Arthur and Merlin were headed._

_The REAL ending will more than likely be very different from this with lots of plot intrigue (hopefully I pull it off) and interest. But until I can work up the emotional energy needed to actually do it… this will just have to do. Sorry for all of you who were waiting for Merthur love but it ain't happening in this story yet. _

_I am not happy with the story so if I can't actually bring myself to finish it later I will probably delete it and forget it ever happened but just in case I do come back to it at some point I suggest subscribing to it so that in a week/month/year from now when I might feel the need to finish it you will not be left out._

_Anyways thanks again for sticking with it and I hope that you enjoyed it more than I did writing it._

**The Shield and the Sword – Alternate (possible temporary) Ending**

Merlin snapped the leash to the Freya's collar and opened the door to the outside. "Come on girl!" Merlin encouraged.

They walked past the threshold and Freya looked around sniffing the air while she waited for Merlin to lock the door and begin their walk.

"Here we go." Merlin said while giving a gentle nudge to Freya's leash. She looked up with a quick glance then proceeded to skip about in excitement as the two headed to the stairs that lead down to the parking lot below. Merlin lived on the third floor of his apartment building and while he like the privacy he hated the stairs after a while. They were a nightmare on move in day and they nearly killed he and his friends as they forced large pieces of furniture through the tight and awkward space of the exterior stairwell.

Freya and Merlin had their favorite routes around in the neighborhood and chose them at random trying not to be too routine. Today Freya seemed to have chosen the direction that they would head into since Merlin's head really wasn't too present. He simply let his friend steer him along one of their established paths.

Freya was intent on walking as quickly as she could while Merlin was focused half way between appreciating the sky, air and vegetation of the outdoors while at the same time doing what he always did—thinking through his life's path and trying to make sense of it all.

Merlin had only lived in the LA area for about six months now and he was settled into a pleasant day to day life that provided for his and Freya's needs but he still had a hunger for some thing that was missing. He knew what it was but it hurt that he had failed in life finding a way to satiate that need. He even was able to specify the name of this need—Arthur. They had held a few conversations online about a year ago but after Merlin went through a rather difficult time and became quite needy and because Arthur wasn't looking for a relationship at the time. The relationship was ended and they hadn't communicated since. Merlin did his best not to think about Arthur, but it was the biggest elephant in the room of his life. A huge present need that he tried not to think about or discuss but it still remained in his life nonetheless.

Freya had found her favorite place, the local dog park and Merlin had open the fence gate and granted her access, unsnapping her leash and letting her run about the park. He took a seat on one of the park benches and leaning back with his arms laying out on the bench back and his legs spread at a comfortable space he just relaxed, lost in thought and warming his body in the late afternoon sun. he hadn't even noticed that another man was standing half in front and half at the end of the bench upon which Merlin was sitting.

The man spoke up "Which one is your dog?"

With out looking at the man Merlin automatically responded by pointing out the large brown haired dog that was flipping around a stick that she found and was chewing happily. "Her name is Freya."

The man looked at her and then down at Merlin who still hadn't looked at the man. "She looks like a happy dog." The man now looked at Merlin. And motioning with his hand he then asked "Do you mind if I sit?"

Merlin responded "Sure. Sorry. Didn't mean to hog the whole bench like that." Merlin then closed up his legs and moved towards the end of the bench opposite of the man and leaned forward with his upper body now resting on Merlin's elbows pressed into his upper legs near his knees. Still not looking at the man.

The man then offered his hand for Merlin to shake "Hi. My name is Arthur."

To which Merlin's heart sunk. He turned towards the man and looked first at the extended hand and then up to the face of the man and saw that it was the Arthur that he had been missing for months. Merlin was still hurt by the ending of their relationship and in a protective manner kept from opening up to Arthur. He then left Arthur's hand hanging and turned back looking forward trying not to communicate much to Arthur.

The two men sat in silence for a moment before Merlin finally spoke. "It really hurt."

Arthur swallowed a lump that formed in his throat and sat in silence not knowing what to follow that statement with.

"I was going through a lot of painful stuff in my life. For some reason you were the only thing that was a comfort in my life at the time." Merlin paused before continuing again. "And I know that you never had promised to be there for me but… for some reason I still hoped you would be." Again Merlin paused. "I don't blame you for knowing that you didn't want to support me at that time. I get that. I really had no reason to assume you would… but… somehow I still really hoped that you would have been there for me."

Arthur sat still looking at the back and side profile of Merlin's head as they sat next to each other on that park bench. Arthur then began to speak "Merlin… I liked you. I did. I just didn't, …wasn't," Arthur gathered his thoughts before continuing. "Its just a relationship is really not what I wanted in my life at this time. I tried not to lead you on but, you just sort of… latched on to me and…"

"I know." Merlin looked down at the shredded wood mulch that laid at this feet studying it and watched a larg ant walking along the length of a stick before crawling under another and then on top of another. "Why are you here?" Merlin finally asked.

Arthur glanced down a little bit also and still facing Merlin replied "I don't know. I was just here with my own dog Gwen and happened to see you. I hadn't felt too good about how we had left things and… well I felt we should talk." Arthur looked now back up to the side of Merlin's face in front of him.

Merlin waited in silence for a while and then spoke. "Arthur. I can't. Just you being here is making it too hard. I really loved you, err… I mean I think I love you. I don't know I just have too strong of feelings for you to have you around. It just hurts too much." Merlin realized that he was holding back tears and sniffled a bit trying to keep his composure. "I just, Arthur, can't have you in my life if you won't be there in the real way that a relationship exists." Merlin thought some more. "The problem was the way we met. I wanted something and you didn't but somehow we just kept moving forward… it was messed up. And I got hurt. So please Arthur help me. Either be here for me… or go away so that I never see you again. I don't think I can handle you anywhere near me."

Arthur looked down at Merlin's feet again and then slowly got up and walked away.

A few moments later Merlin heard Arthur's voice calling out for Gwen and Merlin then assumed that the two left. After another minute Merlin finally broke down and cried no longer able to hold back the pain. After a while Freya had returned chomping down on a mouthful of sticks and acorns and dropped a few at Merlin's feet while still chewing on the rest in her mouth. She was wagging her tail and looking around now but was obviously waiting next to Merlin either because she sensed her master's vulnerability or because she was ready to leave, or both… but Merlin just needed a moment and sat shading his eyes from the world with his hand.

After another moment. Merlin recollected himself and patted Freya's upper shoulder and said "Come on girl." Hi voice dry and cracked from the strain of his sadness.

"I did care for you, you know." Arthur's voice called.

Merlin looked straight ahead, not looking at the source of the voice coming from his side just on the sidewalk outside the chain link fence that surrounded the park.

"It's not like I didn't want to help. I just knew that I wasn't going to be available the way that you needed me and so I thought it would be best to just not lead you closer to me."

Merlin turned only his head to now face Arthur and for the first time looked into his eyes. "I know." Merlin responded. "It wasn't fair of me to expect anything from you. That wasn't what we had… I was asking more from the relationship than what it offered." Merlin stared down. "I'm sorry. Arthur. Goodbye." Merlin then looked for a moment at Arthur and then led Freya out of the dog park and they both headed away from Arthur on their way back to their home.

Arthur watched Merlin and Freya walking away and after the two turned the corner "Bye Merlin." Arthur said sadly before turning away and walking Gwen home.


	10. Chapter 10

After a bit of a scolding from bluey () about leaving the alternate ending on a rather bitter ending I thought that I would give it a bit more work and hopefully put a more satisfying ending to this story. So here it goes. But unfortunately it still isn't all fluffy. I am sorry if anyone is looking for fluff, this is not the story for you. HOWEVER if you want understanding romantic loving Arthur than I suggest my other story "Love Struck". I started to write that one because I needed a balance to how crappy this story was making me feel. SO that's it. I hope this chapter helps satisfy some of the desires of the readers.

**The Sword and the Shield Alternate (possibly temporary) Ending CONTINUTED! **

"All these damn douche bags!" Merlin vented a loud.

He had been reading the many messages that had accumulated in his account from countless guys at least eighty pounds over weight and creepy or from self absorbed pricks that were looking to just for sex. The only reason why Merlin had an account was because in a moment of desperation he wanted to just see what was out there… and now he knows—douche bags. Merlin was frustrated enough that he clicked the little "x" in the corner of the screen closing the browser. He just sat there with his hand on the mouse and stared at his wallpaper desktop image of red, gold and black argyle diamonds. After a moment's time he realized he was still rather desperate for comfort any way he could find it so he open up Safari once again and went to the gay chat roulette site that he had been avoiding since he had met Arthur a year ago prior. Upon getting there he "x"ed out of any ads that showed up on his screen and then agreed to allow the site to you his camera and then turning off the 'send audio' and 'receive audio' check boxes he then clicked the 'start' button and waited for his first stranger to appear on the screen. The first man was hot but clicked 'next' after seeing Merlin.

'This is really good for your self-esteem Merlin. Letting yourself get repeatedly rejected by a number of strangers in the most efficient manner possible.' Merlin thought sarcastically.

After about fifteen minutes of this process Merlin was still feeling crappy but at least he was somewhat distracted by the whole experience.

[Merlin!]

Merlin looked but the camera feed from the stranger hadn't yet connected at his end so he couldn't see who was messaging him. …and then Arthur appeared.

Merlin was strongly tempted to his next and turn to alcohol as his next resort to numb the pain.

[Plz dont leave!]

Arthur wrote quickly and a concerned intense expression was upon his face.

Merlin was torn. He could never say no to that face, it had always been Arthur's greatest strength against Merlin's greatest weakness. Merlin was both frozen in desire and horrified with pain in his current situation. There was no escaping Arthur but Merlin needed to get away… all of his body was betraying him by not letting him click the 'next' button or power down the computer or even just walking away.

[plz tell me where you lice. I want to c u]

[^live]

Merlin wanted so badly to cry but everything was just too much. He couldn't move, he couldn't cry, he desperately wanted Arthur to love him, but at the same time hated the role that Arthur played in making him feel all this pain like this. He was conflicted it wasn't Arthur's fault really, Merlin was the one who fell in love, Arthur was just enjoying the company of Merlin and not taking things all too seriously.

Merlin finally mustered up enough strength and moved the curser to the 'next' button. He clicked it and Arthur was gone.

Merlin just sat staring down at his keyboard and watching the letters blur as the tears flowed down. He didn't even care that the new strangers were cycling threw in front of him on the screen. Actually Merlin hadn't remembered that that was going on. He was just emotionally raw and spent. He had nothing left in him but the energy it took for each sobbing breath to come in and go out of his body. He felt warm and light headed and weak enough to just collapse to the floor in sadness.

"Merlin!" Arthur's voice spoke over the computer speakers. Obviously the 'no receiving audio' feature is a crock seeing that sound was being sent through. "Merlin please, talk to me. Tell me your address. I need to speak to you, in person."

Merlin frowned tightly and the sobbing just kept coming and was very audible by now. His cheeks were hot and wet with his tears and Merlin was getting a sore throat from the lump that was there and from the angle at which his head was burying his chin into his chest.

"Merlin. I am so sorry for hurting you. Please I want to help. Please, please let me help now." Arthur continued to plead.

Merlin went to reach for the mouse to click the "x" button but missed and a random set of letters were sent to Arthur in a message.

"Merlin… Merlin I cant make sense of that. Is that part of your address."

Merlin had to look up at his screen to see what Arthur was talking about and in so doing he caught sight of that beautiful face again, bringing with it all the pain and loving desire once again.

"Merlin try not to type just tell me you street and number." Arthur was hoping to eek out the most helpful information he could first in case Merlin wouldn't be able to give him more specific information later.

Merlin just sat limp and shook his head side to side.

::Bark, bark::

Arthur could see Freya barking by the window in the background of the webcam's shot. Arthur at first thought nothing of it but then looking closer he could see a bright neon sign clearly in the window. It was fairly unique and Arthur recognized it immediately. He knew where Merlin's apartment was.

"Merlin, Merlin just hold on. I'm coming over. Don't go anywhere. Please. Merlin, please. Please don't go anywhere." Arthur thought to exit out of the conversation but instead decided to let the browser stay open. He had no other way to contact Merlin and he wasn't sure if he would need it later.

But it didn't matter in the end because the moment Arthur was no longer in the screen Merlin was freer to move about and he exited out of the program and shut his computer down. Merlin never shut his computer down ever… he would restart it at times but never shut it down. Merlin still felt terribly sad but more capable of movement got up and headed to his kitchen. He had nothing in mind to eat or drink but he just opened the cupboards and mindlessly scanned the contents of there interiors. After opening the fridge and then freezer and then cupboards once again he found nothing and turned around and stared at the coffee maker. He began filling the copper filter in the coffeemaker and then filled the reservoir with water and turned it on to begin brewing. Merlin didn't know why he did that. He didn't want any coffee. But something in him felt comforted by the ritual. It felt like something someone would do if they were in agony.

Freya was still barking and growling occationally seemingly at nothing outside of the window and Merlin thought he really should quiet her down so as not to anger the neighbors but there was something comforting in her bark as well. He didn't feel as alone while she was doing that. But all the same he felt pathetic that the only thing in the world that held any purpose right now was to hear Freya's barking. Merlin at times had considered suicide, but only considered it. There was no way he felt that what waited for him after death was in any way better than what his life was like now. So what would be the point. Once you die you are out of options. At least alive you can have at least the tiniest of bit of influence in the decisions of your life.

Merlin found himself on the sofa lying down and turned the tv on to a marathon of "What Not To Wear" on TLC. He was remotely entertained by the show. There was something about any show that featured before and afters that made Merlin feel a false sense of accomplishment. Like finally he got to witness something that was all messed up (like himself) and then with in the half hour show time he could see the problems were solved, ugly people became beautiful and all was right with the world. Somewhere along the line before Merlin had laid down he had taken a pint of ice-cream out of the freezer and spoon from the drawer. But he had yet to do anything with it other than set in on the coffee table on top of the latest issue of GQ magazine.

Merlin was in a strange state of half watching, half sleeping but not really… his face was hot and feverish and he just hated everything about life at that moment. The pillow below his face was very warm and damp from the little bit of sweat on Merlin head.

::knock, knock, knock:: "Merlin? Merlin!"

Merlin forgot that Arthur had threatened to come over but Merlin didn't want to see him so he stayed quiet waiting for Arthur to leave. But that wasn't on Freya's mind. She began to bark and scampered over to the door. Her barking getting louder and faster until Merlin felt he had no choice but to go over to her and quiet her down.

"Freya, shhh!" Merlin said firmly yet quietly and then reached and held on to Freya's collar to get her attention. Merlin calmed her down until the knocking came again.

::knock, knock:: "Merlin. Please I am begging you. Just… please."

Merlin knowing better that to even consider letting Arthur near him again so that he could be hurt once again, but some how his body was betraying him again. It was addicted to a drug and it had been in months of withdrawal. It needed Arthur.

The door opened a bit more than a crack and Freya worked open further to get out to greet/attack the man outside.

Arthur pushed his foot and hand in through the opening and slipped inside Merlin's apartment before he would have missed his chance.

Freya had followed back in and as if on its own accord the door was closed again with Arthur on the inside.

Arthur didn't say a word but after not even a second of being in Merlin's apartment he reached out and hugged Merlin close to his chest pressing their bodies together so hard that it was sure to leave bruises. Merlin felt the spasms of his sobbing, as his whole body was limp in Arthur's overly tight grasp. The two men just stood like that in Merlin's very tiny entryway for about fifteen minutes. Merlin just crying and Arthur just holding tight.

Arthur's arms must have begun to tire and ache too much from the embrace because he was now making small adjustments to how he held Merlin. At one point he finally turned his head and placed the side of Merlin head into the his face pressing his pursed lips against Merlin's very hot ear. Arthur could smell the moist sweat of Merlin's short hair and feel it against his face. It wasn't an exceedingly attractive feeling but at this moment there was nothing more in the world that Arthur wanted to feel. Every now and then Arthur moved his lips to make dry kisses against Merlin's head.

Merlin was beginning to exhaust from all the pent up emotion and crying and was both weak and limp but some how a tiny bit re-energized enough to finally adjust his face that had been buried into Arthur's soft cotton shirt. Merlin saw the huge wet mark that his tears had left and reached his hand up to his noes, which of course was dripping snot. 'Really attractive Merlin' he thought. But then he just couldn't care enough right now. He just readjusted his heads angle and leaned in again burying his face in a drier part of the shirt. But now Merlin was lifting up his arms and lightly laid them around Arthur's waist. Merlin began taking deep breaths as the crying seizure was ending and he was becoming more himself again.

"Merlin. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have been hurting so badly for so long. And for anything I might have done to make it worse." Arthur spoke in to Merlin's ear.

Merlin felt another sobbing seizure beginning to start again but the previous one had dried up his tear ducts and Merlin just couldn't cry any longer even though his body really wanted to. After a moment more Merlin finally pulled himself away from Arthur and as he did the movement of the room's air moved over his shoulder and he felt the coolness of the large wet spot that Arthur had left on Merlin's shirt from his own tears. Merlin had never been more touched by someone's actions as he was Arthur's tears on Merlin's shoulder—they were worth more than anything he ever owned. Merlin finally began to look up from Arthur's chest to actually look into Arthur's face. And then it hit him… THAT FACE! That beautiful, beautiful face of Arthur was only inches from his own. That face that he loved so much, it was standing with him and was attached to the body of the man that he just held and cried with for over twenty minutes. Merlin then realized that Arthur's hands and arms were still around him and as Merlin moved he could feel the sweet marks that his hands had left in his clothes and on his skin. Merlin and Arthur had been really completely involved in something so close, so intimate and it made Merlin's heart swim. …and then it hit him again. Hard. Merlin pushed Arthur away. And took a few steps back. "What do you want from me?" Merlin half spoke and have choked saying.

Arthur was a bit taken aback and began to loose his balance as he almost tripped over Freya who had taken to lyig down right behind Arthur's feet. "Merlin. What's the matter? You wanted me to comfort you and that's what I'm doing. I'm here. For you."

Merlin knew that if he could he would be crying all over again. "No. No! you cant be here. You need to leave. You should have never have come."

Arthur terribly confused began to take a step towards Merlin only to watch Merlin take a step back. This continued until Merlin fell backwards onto the couch and Arthur took the opportunity to rush to Merlin's side and sit down with him.

"Merlin. Please tell me what I did. I want to help you."

"That's just it Arthur. That's all you want! Arthur, I don't want your help. I want you! But you aren't interested in me or your career is more important or you just don't want to be seen in a gay relationship… Arthur you need to leave. It hurts too much for you to be around me…"

Arthur just stared rather dumbfounded. All of what Merlin had said was right, well most of it. He really didn't want a public gay relationship. His friends and coworkers really weren't the type to accept gay men as normal and treat them the same as any other person, so Arthur had to make a choice early on either keep his bisexuality a secret and enjoy working in a career he loved or come out as bi which to everyone he knew would just get him labeled as 'gay' and essentially he would lose them all and probably never be able to do the job that he loved. So he chose the career. And Arthur wouldn't say he wasn't interested in Merlin. He cared for him and he thought Merlin's cheeks were cute and he liked the 5 o-clock shadow that Merlin always had and he remembered how he like Merlin's chest when they would Skype together… but Arthur wasn't sure that he wanted to be with Merlin the way Merlin wanted.

"Merlin. Look. We have to work something out. I thought cutting off ties with you would make things simpler for both of us and it would stop hurting you but obviously you are still getting hurt by me and I don't know what to do. The only thing I do know is that I can't stand to know that you're hurting and I want to do anything in my power to help you." Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes before continuing. "Yeah. I'm not ready to come out of the closet but that doesn't mean I don't really like you. I mean I just ran all over this neighborhood looking for the right building to have the view of that neon sign," Arthur pointed to the neon sign that could be seen through Merlin's window "just so that I could finally find you and try to care for you and then I spent almost a half an hour crying with you because you were so sad that it just broke my heart seeing you like this. Merlin this all has to count for something with you, doesn't it?" Arthur paused to think a little more before adding, "I don't know if I can be everything that want me to be but I would really like to try to be there for you where I can. Is there anyways that that will work for you?"

Merlin felt ashamed at Arthur's comments. Yes Arthur had shown a great deal of concern and even care by his actions tonight… but then the anger rose again. "I just don't understand why you don't love me, Arthur. The way I fell for you."

Arthur didn't know how to answer that question. "I just, don't I guess. I mean you're a likeable person. But Merlin I really don't know you very well. We only spoke online about four times last year and while they were very long conversations they were just… I don't know. It just didn't happen for me Merlin. I'm sorry that you really fell for me hard and I didn't do the same. But we both know that things just happen sometimes."

Merlin wasn't content. Bottom line Merlin still longed desperately for Arthur to want him the same way as Merlin wanted Arthur. "Then if you really do mean it. If you really do care for me. Could we just do one thing differently?"

Arthur sensing a little hope now, "whats that?"

Merlin looked down at his hands in his lap and at Arthur's hand laying in his own lap and then tried to swallow another big lump in his throat. "All I wanted a year ago was to talk with you more often. You left me hanging so many times that I went crazy waiting for you to be available to talk again. All I wanted Arthur was to talk to you and you weren't there." Merlin found more tears again and was choked up having a hard time talking. He tried to swallow the lumps and hold back the spasms of crying long enough to continue talking. "All I have wanted from you Arthur is to be allowed to be with you. To hang out with you but to be allowed to love you, even if you didn't really love me the same. But I wasn't allowed to do that. You just… just ignored me. Ignored my messages through Facebook and through Skype. ARTHUR THAT HURT SO BADLY! How can you do that to someone you supposedly think of as a friend. I needed you and you refused to be around even a little bit. No matter how hard things before they were only a hundred times worse when you just ignored me and let me suffer alone…"

"Merlin. I, I…"

"And I know that a lot of this is my fault. I know that I had no right to commit you to more of a relationship than you were willing to be apart of but… at the same time it really didn't seem like you didn't want to develop a relationship when were talking and… it was all so confusing." Merlin stopped talking for a moment to collect his thoughts, "Arthur it seems to me that you actually don't want a relationship with me and that you are only doing what you are doing here because I made you feel guilty and that you don't actually want to do these things yourself. I am not someone you really actually care about… and I guess that is okay. This whole thing I guess was my fault, I made it all up in my head."

Arthur didn't disagree too much with Merlin. He felt that was about right. He wasn't into Merlin like he maybe was expected to be in to him… but there was a little sneaking suspicion that it wasn't 100% accurate. "Merlin. Do you remember our first Skype conversation?" Arthur asked while reaching for one of Merlin's hands.

Merlin only nodded in agreement to Arthur's question.

"We talked for four and half hours. It was almost daylight when we hung up. We had so much fun talking back and forth to each other and neither one of us wanted to hang up… Merlin that is something real. I DO like you. I like you a lot if I am staying up that late at night. I loved how you argued with me to be proud of my tattoos and to not care what others think. Merlin you are passionate about things I don't even think to be passionate about and it… well it really intrigues me." Arthur looked down at their fingers intertwining with one another. "There are things about you that I really enjoy and if it weren't for my work schedule and then all those messages that you started sending me… Merlin I just, I didn't know what I wanted. I still don't really. But I absolutely hate the idea of losing you as a friend over all this. I guess you do mean something to me even if I don't know what it all means." Arthur smirked a little and then blushed a little "besides we both said we have never cummed so much as when we jacked off together. It was a lot!"

Merlin let out a small laugh and smiled a little.

Arthur seeing Merlin beginning to show signs of happiness felt his heart lighten. And without thinking about it he leaned in and gave Merlin a chaste kiss on his lips. The kiss lasted for about ten seconds but it seemed like forever and then when they pulled apart Merlin and Arthur both blushed. They sat in silence not looking at each other.

"Merlin I don't know what this is. I am more confused than anything, but there are some things about you that I guess I do really like and …" Arthur leaned in and kissed Merlin again only this time pressed his tongue into the kiss making Merlin give out a small moan. Arthur pulled his hand out from Merlin's and placed it on the back of Merlin's head and neck and slightly pressed their kiss tighter together. They then pressed their foreheads together and breathed into each other's faces.

"Arthur… please let me just say this. I love you. So much and that has made this all hurt so bad. Please, I beg you, don't hurt me anymore. I just can't take it anymore. I know that you don't love me back but… Arg! This is so complicated. I just wish, wish you would just decide to say 'fuck it' to other people's opinions about _your_ life and just be with who ever you wanted. Arthur I want to feel like I am at least that important to you." Merlin pulled his head away from Arthur's and felt that all too powerful and familiar desire for Arthur that he had been wrestling for a year now.

"Merlin. Could you be gentle with me. Just be patient. I really haven't even begun to figure out my whole life yet and I really don't want to have to decide everything right now. But I do know that I want to be here, with you, now. Can we just be good in this moment?"

Merlin still unsatisfied but realizing that that is the way this whole horrible and intense experience had been like from the beginning. Before Merlin could answer he was being pressed backwards onto the couch and Arthur was following him with a passionate kiss being pressed to Merlin's lips.

The two men did their best to distract one another from the intense emotions of the last hour and did their best to get acquainted with each other's mouths, chins and necks. Letting out light moans and heavy breathes. They never went further than making out and pressing their bodies together but it was a first step. Merlin felt still a bit saddened at Arthur's unwillingness to chose to love Merlin without regard to what other thought. He tried his best to rummage up the tiniest bits of hope that he had left and place them in the hope that maybe Arthur would begin to warm up to him more, eventually begin to fall for Merlin and then when having to reassess his priorities maybe then he would choose Merlin over his judgmental friends.

Merlin finally broke off their kissing and pushed Arthur away only slightly. "Arthur, I love you more than you can possibly know, but if this is to continue I need you to promise me. Promise me that you will make time for me, that we will talk at least twice a week and that we would not go more than a week with out seeing one another… Arthur you may not be ready to step out of the closet but I need you to at least think of me as your boyfriend anyways. I couldn't handle you dating some girl or flirting with someone if this is the type of thing that we do together." Merlin looked into Arthur's face.

He was obviously calculating thoughts in his head. Then Arthur brought Merlin's hand to his lips kissed the fingers lightly and said "I promise."

Merlin's heart nearly lept out of his chest at those two words. But regaining his composure he looked into Arthur's eyes and then asked more directly, "do you really?"

Arthur let a little smirk grow on his face "Merlin, I can't be out yet but I can be with you. If you think you can be okay with not doing any kind of public displays of affection and acting all straight in public then I can be here for you in what ever way you need me." Arthur paused and then looked at Merlin's hand in his "I'm sorry, for making this so complicated for you."

Merlin reached up to Arthur's face and pulled it in for another kiss, which Arthur gladly deepened and then rocking Merlin's body from side to side Arthur worked his arms under Merlin's waist and hugged him tightly to his to himself.

The rest of the evening was spent with the two men holding one another and enjoying the other's presence. Eventually they adjusted to a more comfortable arrangement, which happened to be on the floor where they weren't putting Arthur's arms to sleep. And they were able to move around more freely.

As the sun began to rise in the sky its rays creeped over the building across the street and in through Merlin's window inching closer and closer up Merlin's face. Freya saw Merlin begin to stir and stood up and began licking Merlin's face and then moved over to Arthur and began licking his as well. The two men had fallen asleep holding hands and Arthur had at one point been leaning his face into Merlin's shoulder as they slept.

"Okay, okay. I'm awake, I 'm awake!' Arthur finally said to Freya.

"Sorry. She must need to go out." Merlin said as he started getting up of the hard floor and realized that he was going to have a stiff muscle day.

"Yeah. I need to go let Gwen out too." Arthur said and then thought about his promise to Merlin. "Breakfast?"

"What? Merlin asked."

"Why don't we walk Freya over to my place, I'll let Gwen out. We can put the dogs together in my apartment and I can take you out for Breakfast."

Merlin blushed at the idea. It sounded just perfect. "Um, one question."

"yeah?"

"Before we go out in to public can I give you a kiss again." Merlin said blushing more.

Arthur got up of the floor and walked over to Merlin and laid a tender sweet light kiss to Merlin's lips. Then he deepened it just a little to make it a little more passionate. "Is that good?"

Merlin was weak in the knees and breathless. "yeah." He said in almost a whisper and then fell against the wall that was just behind him allowing himself to catch his breath. "God. The things you do to me! Arthur. I literally… just driven wild!"

Arthur just smiled and laughed a little. He liked this power he had over Merlin, but suspected that it might be why their relationship was so hard on Merlin. The man was obviously intoxicated with Arthur with just a small kiss.

Merlin and Arthur both took turns in the bathroom relieving the pressure in that was pushing on their bladders and washing their faces they snapped the leash on to Freya and headed out to Arthur's place.

The sun was warming and nice and Merlin so badly wanted to reach out and hold Arthur's hand and lay his head into Arthur's shoulder but did everything he could to resist.

Arthur felt the desire that Merlin had and finally after after walking about two blocks pushed Merlin in between two buildings and hugged him tight and placed a chaste kiss to Merlin's lips. "Wow, Merlin this is going to be hard. You can't even walk the distance between your place and mine with out basically wanting to jump me! …I kinda like it." Arthur said with a smile and placed another kiss on Merlin's lips, this one being a bit deeper and loving."

"God I love you Arthur. Thank you. I am trying but you are near impossible to resist."

"I guess, so."

Arthur placed his key in his front door and unlocked it and was immediately greated by Gwen. "Hey girl! Did you have a good night?"

Merlin looked up and saw a shirtless thin but toned man eating cereal standing in the kitchen watching them. "Hello."

Arthur looked up "Ah, Merlin this is Lance, Lance, Merlin"

"Hello."

"Hey" Lance said with a mouthful of cereal.

Arthur left Merlin by the front door and quickly walked to his bedroom towards the back and closed the door behind him again. Then shortly returned not looking any different. "Okay girl, you wanna go out?"

Gwen jumped as Arthur reached for the leash that hung on a hook by the door.

"Um, let me go back out and hold on to Freya before Gwen comes out." Merlin said.

"Good idea." And after waiting a moment Arthur followed Merlin outside with Gwen.

The two dogs at first simply sniffed one another and every once in a while they were snip at each other working out who would be dominate.

"Um, I'm not too sure that Freya will behave around Gwen just yet. Maybe we should take them for a walk together to get them more comfortable with each other."

"Sure. Hey if we go to the corner diner they have outside tables and we can tie the dogs up outside while we go in and order. Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah. Sounds perfect."

After they were walking for a little bit Merlin wanted to ask Arthur some questions but felt awkward after all of the changes and conversations last night, and this mornig. He looked at Arthur a little oddly.

"what?" Arthur asked.

"Uh, it's nothing."

"Yeah? Doesn't sound like nothing."

"its just… feel free to interrupt if you aren't comfortable talking about this outside, but… do you feel any physical needs towards me? Or am I the only one constantly in in a melt down level of sexual frustration when we are together?"

Arthur laughed a little showing _that_ smile, Oh the gorgeous knee=weakening smile.

"Um, well. I like kissing and… other things, but I am doing pretty fine right now."

"Oh. Well we might need to take shorter walks then in the future because right now I just am more interested in eating you for breakfast." Merlin said with only a slight blush.

Arthur smiled only making Merlin's situation even more difficult.

"Arthur one thing that you need to know if you want me to resist any public displays of affection. You have to know that when you smile I get so turned on that I just cant handle it."

"so I can't smile… anything else I can't do?"

"Um, well your eyes kinds drive me wild too."

"So sunglasses, got it. Anything else?"

"Your tats. They get me hard."

Arthur was trying hard to resist the urge to smile at how ridiculous this was becoming but at the same time kind of liked knowing that we was a walking aphrodisiac. "So no smiling, sunglasses and long sleeve shirts. Do I dare ask if there is more?"

Merlin had a halted look and didn't say anything.

"Okay. What else could there possibly be left?"

Merlin spoke a bit sheepishly, "Your voice."

Arthur only rolled his eyes, trying not to smile or let Merlin see his eyes and pulled his arms up into his t-shirt.

"There you go. That's much better. See, now you know how much effort it takes for me every moment we are together." But Merlin was lying, he still wanted Arthur bad. Wanted to find an alley, rip off all Arthur's clothes and just ravish the boy.

Arthur finally broke his silence "Okay then we need to reach a compromise. I will wear sunglasses and long sleeve around you as often as I can and try not smile as much but you are just going to have to control yourself with my voice."

Merlin thought about it "I got another idea. How about before we hang out we ravish one another with an hour or two of sex and then maybe I won't need you to do anything." Merlin said with a naughty smirk on his face.

"You are going to be a high maintenance relationship I can just feel it."

Just about that time they reached the corner diner and tied Gwen and Freya to the tree that was in the middle of the sidewalk. The two dogs seemed undisturbed by the other's presence which is a great thing when it comes to dogs meeting for the first time.

Arthur and Merlin entered the corner diner and sat at the counter looking at the menus. After looking them over they both selected their meals and told the waitress that they would be at a table outside with their dogs.

After a while the were eating their eggs and bacon and toast and just enjoying the warm morning sun.

Merlin finally broke the comfortable silence. "Thank you Arthur… for last night. I have needed that from you for months. And it felt like you brought me back from the brink of hell."

Arthur smiled and then realized that he had made himself blush. "Merlin, I don't know what this relationship is yet but since our time last night I think I have learned a lot about what I might want." Arthur stopped talking making Merlin wait with baited breath.

"And!..."

"Oh, I can't answer that in public. Remember our rules?" Arthur said with a naughtily smile and then flexed his eyebrows up and down.

Merlin nearly choked on his orange juice and Freya and Gwen just stared at Merlin with their heads cocked to the side.

"Oh Arthur the things you do to me! Please don't toy with me I really, really can't handle it."

Arthur looked down at the last bit of his eggs that he was pretending to be very interested in. "Who's toying?"

Merlin sat with his mouth open. "I'm done. Are you finished with your breakfast?"

Arthur smiled and nodded knowing exactly what it would do to Merlin.

"Here watch Freya I'll go pay the bill." And Merlin bolted to the door of the diner to find their waitress.

Within moments Merlin was back grabbed Freya's leash and freed it from the tree and was waiting on Arthur.

"You in some sort of hurry Merlin?"

"Listen I have wanted to do this with you for a year now. I am done waiting. Let's go now!" Merlin thought for a minute. "Do you have to work today?"

"Yeah, why? You might have to call in sick." Merlin smirked over to Arthur.

"You think so huh? We'll see. I don't need to be in until eleven so I have abot three hours still. If we were to go at it much longer than that neither of us would be able to walk for a week!" Arthur winked a Merlin.

Merlin took a mental note: 'winking. Winking is another thing he can't do in public.'

The two walked back to Merlin's place and surprisingly Gwen and Freya were completely happy in the apartment together. Not that Arthur or Merlin took notice. From the moment that they entered the privacy of the apartment clothes were flying, kisses were landing and hands were rubbing EVERYTHING.

Ninety minutes later Merlin and Arthur had both developed a bit of a crazy limp. But Merlin felt like he had gained a strong sense of self-control around Arthur. Now when Arthur smiled Merlin only wanted to kiss Arthur until his lips were swollen to the size of rolls of quarters instead of simply wanting plow into the man till his eyes rolled back in pleasure.


End file.
